Second Wednesday of Advent
Scripture Reading for Today:
Do not be afraid! That’s a joke, right!?
by Payge Lucas
For someone who deals with anxiety, the fact that the Bible often says "Do not be afraid" is always hard for me. This is how Psalm 27 begins. Stating, “The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?” I can see how this makes sense.
Every day, every hour, and every moment, the Lord has helped me get through very hard times, like losing my job and my child being very sick, among other things. But even though I know that I do not need to be afraid and that Jesus is stable, trustworthy, and reliable, I still have a hard time.
For a long time, I thought that my constant need to get things done quickly was normal or that taking it easy was not helpful. But after being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks (GAD), I realized that I might need to take a step back and rethink how I was living my life. Seriously, it sounds like a joke to not be scared. There is a whole diagnosis that tells me that this is not how I normally act.
David is pleading with the Lord in Psalm 27 not to leave him but to be with him. He talks about how much he wants to be with the Lord when things are bad. On the worst days of my anxiety, this is also what I want, but when I start to feel panicked, I can not snap out of it without the Lord's help. I can not see past the crippling anxiety and panic.
I used to think that this made me weak, less important than other people, or like the worst kind of believer who just could not get it together. But now I see that it just makes me human. I am not better or worse than anyone else; this is just my struggle on earth. Recognizing that I am human and knowing that I am deeply loved and valued helped me see past my flaws and realize that I need to slow down, really accept who I am right now, and be okay with the fact that I am on a journey of sanctification. There are, of course, shades of grey here; it is not simple or black and white. And yet, it makes me think about what the church can do better.
I think there would be a change in the church in Canada if we let people come as they are instead of expecting them to be where we think they should be. But of course, in the world I am talking about, all the weaknesses will be present. There are other people who struggle with judgment, hypocrisy, and a lot of other bad habits.
We need to be honest with ourselves and remember that the church is made up of messy people who are all on the same life journey. I believe the most important thing I have learned about my GAD is that I can not heal if I do not bring myself to church and other Christian events, gatherings, or retreats. I can not be the real person I am called to be. Being shown only the good parts of our lives makes it impossible for those who are really struggling to be heard.
We need to be able to sit in moments where we may be uncomfortable. It is important to be able to learn from people who do not agree with us. We all need to learn how to hold space for us and give each other time to listen, learn, and grow together. Being a follower of Jesus means that it is not my job to fix people. Instead, it is my job to be with them as they go through this thing we call life.
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